


I Love You, You Love Me

by andachippedcup



Series: Domestic Belle [12]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andachippedcup/pseuds/andachippedcup





	I Love You, You Love Me

“No, absolutely not.”

“I don’t see the harm. Mary Margaret says that lots of the children at her school used to watch it.” Belle dismissed nonchalantly as she went about setting the table for dinner.

“Most of the children Mary Margaret teaches are right little prats.” He retorted sharply, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “I’m sorry dearie but I won’t be swayed on this.” He stated with finality and she shot him a pouting little frown.

“I really don’t see why you’re so against it. It’s a harmless television show with a dinosaur that is friends with children. What’s so bad about that?” She asked in curiosity, eyeballing her husband intently.

“What’s bad about that is that damn dinosaur is a full grown man prancing about in a dinosaur costume, with innocent and oblivious children unaware that they’re actually hugging a forty seven year old high school drop out with no prospects, friends or any chance of getting laid.” Her husband retorted sharply, only to jump in fright as the sound of shattering china interrupted their conversation.

He whirled to face his wife and found her standing frozen, her mouth agape in an expression of horror, her hand devoid of the plate she’d been drying to place on the table.

“You mean…t-the dinosaur is a..  _a person_?!” She asked, flabbergasted. When he nodded in the affirmative, a tremor seemed to go through his wife and shivered in fright and shook her head. “Oh no. No. Absolutely not. No child of ours will be watching this “Barney” business. No.” She shivered again and mumbled under her breath, “ _A person_ ”, as she walked away to fetch the broom and dustbin to clean up after the plate she’d shattered in her shock at the truth behind the purple dinosaur.

——-

He’d thought that was the end of it but when she returned with the broom in hand she had a rather dazed expression and looked rather faint. Wordlessly, he moved toward her and offered her an arm for support and guided her to the table.

“What’s the matter, darling?” He queried in concern, his palm running over her forehead to check for a temperature while his other hand searched about for signs of harm. He came up short; she seemed fine except for the flabbergasted expression on her face.

“They…they’re  _all_ people, aren’t they?” She asked in a stunned tone. At this he frowned, not really certain what she was getting at.

“ _Who_ are all people?” He queried, studying her thoroughly; it wasn’t like Belle to make no sense.

“All of them. Barney. Baby Bop. The Teletubbies.  _All of them_!” She whispered in horror, looking up at him with wide blue eyes doused in anguish. “It’s all a lie, all of it. They’re all  _people._ All of them, each and every one of th- oh my god, the big yellow bird is one too, isn’t he? Big Bird?” She threw up her hands in frustration and distress and then bellowed. “Everything in this world is a lie, isn’t it?! Why would they do that to their children? That’s  _horrible_!” She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head violently.

Completely uncertain what the situation called for him to do (and more than a little disturbed by his wife’s vast knowledge of child’s television programs with people blundering about in giant suits), he patted her shoulder in an attempt at comforting her.

When she’d at last collected herself enough that she was capable of standing again, he helped her collect the broom and dustbin to clean up the shattered bits of plate when she shot him a smile.

“Thank you. I know I sounded ridiculous I just… I can’t believe people would let their children watch those things. It’s… _creepy_.” She shivered at the mere thought but quickly shook off the feeling and beamed at him. “At least Elmo is real. And Grover. I don’t know what I’d do if you tried to tell me they weren’t.” She shook her head and exhaled before she glanced back at him and offered him a smile and a kiss before she set to work cleaning up the mess.

He stood blinking at her in complete silence, trying not to show the laughter he was biting back but at the same time, rather concerned that his wife was under the impression that a pair of giant red blue, oversized dust bunnies were real.

If and when they finally did have a child, he’d have to be sure to steer the little imp away from any shows that featured Elmo and Grover. Hell, he’d just have to enable parental controls on the television – not for their child but for Belle. He could only imagine the kind of hell that would ensue if she ever saw the strings and figured out that they were just frightfully well manipulated little puppets. 

He’d hated it that she loved soap operas and other day time television (so much so, he would have preferred chewing off his own arm to watching them with her). At this rate though, he would have happily taken The Sopranos and every other piss poor soap show over Belle figuring out that her beloved Cookie Monster was a fraud. 

If she ever did find out, heaven help the employees of PBS. She’d go nuclear. And things weren’t pretty when his little Belle went nuclear. Anyone who doubted him could just go ask the three dozen battered parking meters she’d assaulted because they looked “shifty”. 

PBS would be lucky if she didn’t burn their headquarters to the ground and laugh over the ashes, for crying out loud. 


End file.
